Sarah Larson

George Clooney has finally bored of that cocktail waitress he picked up at the Whiskey Bar in Vegas last year and kicked her to the curb. Mmm hmmm. *Snaps fingers* That’s not to say his relationship with Sarah Larson wasn’t significant. No, it certainly was. Sarah was the first girlfriend to ever attend the Oscars with him. They were also both injured in a motorcycle accident, but not even skeletal fractures could keep these two together.

“George is relieved to be single again,” says an insider. “He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her.”

The big loser in all of this is Sarah because she has to go back to Vegas to her old job as a hired gun for “special events.” She’ll have to constantly deal with horny frat boys and dirty old men hitting on her and she’ll have to take it because that’s what they pay her for and one day a guy will probably be so brazen as to grope her ass, but don’t worry, I’ll be there waiting to defend her honor or, you know, shout, “show us your tits!”