Janet Jackson’s life is in danger

The affliction that caused Janet Jackson to call off a bunch of concerts after checking into a hospital has been revealed. The singer was treated for vestibular migraines which causes a sensation of vertigo.

“[Janet is] a world-class entertainer and needs to be at the top of her game to give her fans the show they expect,” manager Kenneth Crear said in the statement. “She’s feeling much better and is ready to hit the road again.”

Whatever. It sounds made up. They probably opened a medical book, flipped to the migraines chapter and picked a random, non-life threatening one. It is now my mission to find out the real reason she didn’t want to perform. Mark my words Janet. You’ll regret cancelling on me. I mean, your fans.