audrina patridge hangover

Audrina Patridge almost had it all: More seasons of The Hills and an up-and-coming actor/boyfriend in Chris Pine (Captain Kirk in Star Trek). Now she has nothing because The Hills sucks and Chris Pine just dumped her.

“Chris Pine was forced to dump Audrina because his camp wants him to take the right strategic steps to become a big movie star. Dating a reality show star would tarnish his image.”

Especially when the reality show star is Audrina Patridge. That chick is as dumb as a pile of rocks. You’d have better conversations with a dead cat you found on the side of the road. Granted, you can’t bang a dead cat, well, you could, but boning Audrina would be equally creepy anyway. Every time you stare into her empty, doll-like eyes, it’ll always look like you’re taking advantage of a retarded kid.