david carradine dead

When I heard about the details surrounding David Carradine’s death, the first thing that jumped to mind was sexual perversion gone wrong. BUT, the second thing that popped into my mind was highly trained kung fu assassins who made it look like sexual perversion gone wrong. It seems David’s family lawyer, Mark Geragos, agrees. Per The Post:

In a twist that could be straight out of one the “Kill Bill” star’s movies, attorney Mark Geragos suggested that Carradine may have been killed as he tried to uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld.

The secret societies of martial artists should be the first place they start looking for answers, said the prominent Hollywood lawyer, who has represented Michael Jackson, actress Winona Ryder, wife killer Scott Peterson and singer Chris Brown.

The bizarre claim was made on “Larry King Live” on CNN Friday after a panel member said, “David was very interested in investigating and disclosing secret societies.”

“Absolutely,” said Geragos.

“What that means is connected to martial arts and his interest in martial arts,” he continued. “And so there is a suspicion that if there was some foul play, that that may be the first area where they should look.”

Yes, because when you find someone slumped in a closet dead with a rope wrapped around his neck and genitals, you don’t think he slipped during auto-erotic asphyxiation, you think he was murdered by a secret society of highly trained assassins who exist only in shadows. The same assassins who must have ate my last slice of pizza and went through my garbage last night. That’s why on my bulletin board of suspects, I have X’d out a picture of a raccoon and replaced it with a picture of a big question mark.