one-direction

A thread titled, “Former groupies of Reddit, what was your experience?” was started yesterday and it’s already brought in a lot of interesting stories about experiences with famous and sort of famous people. Mostly sexual in nature which is exactly how everyone likes their groupie stories. Naturally, none of these are verifiable considering they’re all anonymous stories from the internet.

Kid Rock loves anal

At the club I work at several years ago (maybe five) kid rock came in one night after playing downtown. Well he hit it off with one dancer named Destiny. They went back to his tour bus, where they got fucked up and did they deed. She supposedly hung out with him for a week. And apparently he likes rough anal. So there’s that.

Derek Jeter loves the Jets

My friend’s cousin dated Derek Jeter for a while and had keys to his apartment. According to the story she entered one day to find him butt ass naked on his couch watching highlights of himself and bumping his chest with his fist saying “YEAH JEETS, YEAH JEETS”.

Random 90’s punk rock groupie

Blew the drummer of a reasonably big 90’s punk rock group in the back of their tour bus. I was young and dumb and had terrible aim, so he ended up cumming all over his shirt. On my way out, I was introduced to the rest of the band….. I ended up shaking all their hands. It was awkward.

He and I keep in touch occasionally, but we’ll go years without talking. He set me up with backstage passes once when he was in town and he actually toured me around when I had a 10 hour lay over in his city.

7/10. Not bad.

Stephen Jenkins of Third Eye Blind is discerning

A friend of my banged Stephen Jenkins, the lead singer of Third Eye Blind. She was front row at a concert at the college she went to.. He told her to come backstage after the show and picked 2 other random girls too. After getting a closer look at them, he picked her and took her back to his trailer. I heard it was sweaty and he was REALLY fucked up (but what did you expect??)

It always just kinda made me squirm how he narrowed down the girls, looked em over, and picked his favorite like he was shopping for a sweater at the GAP.

Harry Styles eats red velvet cupcakes and bangs chicks and he’s all out of red velvet cupcakes

I’ve made a throwaway because One Direction fans terrify me. I’m from NY and was back in chelsea on break from college up north. I visited my favorite cupcake shop and ran into Harry Styles. (You don’t get to be a 20 year old american girl without recognizing the band members of one direction.) I tipped him off that the red velvet cupcakes were the best of the lot and made an exit. This shop is on a pretty quiet street (one of the old cobbled ones: the few the proud), so I turned around when I heard “excuse me.” There was Harry, recommended cupcake in hand. He walked to the end of the block with me and there was a car waiting for him. I thought seriously about just going home, but i was pretty sure this was the kind of adventure that doesn’t happen twice, so I got in when he offered. We drove around for awhile behind tinted windows talking casually, and eventually ended up at his hotel. He got out with a security guy that had been sitting in the front seat and told the driver to take me a couple blocks away, giving me directions to find his handler in the hotel. It was honestly surreal and I thought he was being a little bit ridiculous until I saw the literal mob of teenage girls at the front door. I worked my way through the crowd (nobody stopped me because I wasn’t with Harry.) Surprisingly, his slightly vague directions panned out and I ended up in his suite. We had great conversations, good sex, and excellent champagne, at which point he needed to leave for some facet of his job, so I headed out of the hotel outside past the mob of fans. It was a really bizarre experience, and ultimately I feel bad for him after witnessing all the smoke and mirrors that went into a casual afternoon. He seemed like a good guy, and I hope he’s doing well, but I have no desire for a repeat. I’m a really private person and am unwilling to take the risk of my name or picture leaking.

EDIT: oh my god the number of penis specific questions. He had a slightly larger than average (in my experience, which honestly isn’t vast) dick. It wasn’t covered in glitter and it didn’t smell like sunflowers, just a pretty normal penis that he put to pretty good use.

John Mayer likes to stare at buttholes

My good friend’s ex-girlfriend is really good friends with a girl that was way into trying to fuck musicians. Like, this was her thing, and she was good at it. One night, John Mayer rolled through town during one of his tours. After his show, said friend of ex-girlfriend made her way back stage and got invited to hang out with John. Again, this is her thing and she’s good at. Pretty uneventful shit so far, but apparently at some point during the encounter her and John started to make out fairly heavily. This eventually lead to, in the heat of the moment, John leaning into this girl’s ear and whispering, “Let me see your fucking butthole”. Word for word, this is (apparently) what was said. I don’t know if said butthole was ever shown to Mr. Mayer, but I’d like to think it was.

Drake wants you to hold on cause we’re going home

As a ‘groupie’ in Miami, I’ve had access to many stars bedrooms. Most memorable was Drake. I met him at a hookah place down in Miami, and at the time had NO idea who he was…his music isn’t really my style, but I thought I recognized him from tv. He called me over to his table for a smoke and some vodka. After a few drinks, he convinced me to go back to his condo he had in town. You would think with all his security around, he would have a driver, but no, he drove himself to the club and home. When we got to his condo he was offering some wine and smoke. After smoking, we started heavy making out. Then he pushed my head down to suck him. I didn’t mind, I was high. From there, it went to the bedroom, and let me tell you. Boy knows what he’s doing in bed. He’s very much a pleaser, but he does get off on being a bit rough. He was a gentleman the whole time. I left the next morning, while he was still sleeping for my walk (ride) of shame home. We text every once in a while now, nothing serious. C’est la vie. 2 years ago, and it feels like a lifetime ago.

Alright I grew with a girl (our parents are best friends) who was regularly banging Drake. Not as emotional in the bedroom as you might think but apparently very needy. He apparently lasts FOR HOURS. So much so that she got tired once and another friend of ours had to prop her up so he could continue to hit it from the back. :/

At least one person in One Direction is gay

“So not a groupie as such, but one of my friends is mates with a certain member of a certain boyband that is insanely popular right now. So we went to a gig of theres and afterwards went backstage to hang out with them. This certain member of said band spent the night chatting to me and buying me drinks (well I assume when I say he bought me drinks, the concert organiser did). Anywho still really nice of him. Anyways we end up hanging outside alone, and we make out. He takes me off in his car, my friend by this point had gotten bored and gone home. We pulled up a ways away from his flat just in case of photographers and shit. And we walked back, I tried to look casual. We got back, fucked and fell asleep. Next morning we had breakfast then I left. I didn’t want his number cause I couldn’t deal with the bullshit. Oh yeah did I mention I’m a guy?

Dave Matthews Band likes underage chicks and soiled underwear

After a concert with a world famous band …me and my sister got the chance to hang out backstage. Dont know how, but we ended up eating at a restaurant nearby where the singer of the group lit up a joint.

We headed back to my parents’ house where I fell asleep while some…activity took place right next to my room.

Basically, my girl probably fucked the singer while this other random nerdy girl lost her virginity to the fat saxophonist with the dreadlocks.

Next morning a condom was ducktaped near the entrance of my building with a note saying something like ” blah blah..who the fuck did this please dont”.

Most importantly…a pair of underpants full of shit as well was ejected from my balcony.

I chose to believe it was the saxophonist and not the singer.

Next year they had a concert again so me and my sister went again. I lifted my sister up in my soldiers. She thinks the dude gestured at her from on stage. Of course he was gesturing to everybody.

Twist: I am probably sure I was 13 at the time so that makes my sister 16.

Check out the thread for a few more stories and prepare to have everything you thought about groupies reaffirmed.