The Daily Mail says Kelly Osbourne left Mahiki in London last night really drunk and that she had to hold herself up against a wall to maintain her balance. What the Daily Mail didn’t report is that I offered her her car keys so she could drive herself home. Actually, it was more like I jangled the keys in front of her face and made a steering wheel motion with my hands while asking, “vroom, vroom?” Sadly, she didn’t bite and had someone else chauffeur her home. Curses! Next time, Kelly. Next time.