tara reid silver bikini 17

Tara Reid doesn’t want to hear anymore of our criticisms. Last week when shots of her in a bikini came out, mouth breathing, basement dwelling netizens (that’s me!) started calling her names like Clay Stomach and Frankentits. The 33-year-old actress told PEOPLE that “I’ve been a media target for years now” and that “It does hurt my feelings, but what can I do? I have to move on.”

Moving on, however, has proved difficult. The ghastly scars on her stomach from a 2004 lipo and a 2006 reconstruction surgery are constant reminders of the past. Tara calls these her “battle wounds.” Everyone else calls it “really gross.”

God, it’s like her stomach is sighing, exacerbated by Tara’s gawky attempts at wearing a bikini. If people make fun of her enough, do you think she can be shamed into wearing clothes? Does Tara Reid even know what shame is? Maybe we can kidnap her, dress her and release her. Afterwards, we can have someone explain to her that the new sensation she’s feeling is dignity.

Related