Hugh Grant

Hugh Grant was spotted at Beatrice Inn last Friday night flirting with two women at the same time. Grant was pretty hammered, but managed to entertain a blonde and brunette in tandem.

“He could barely keep his eyes open,” said our spy. But he was awake enough to entertain two women “a brunette and a blonde,” said the snitch. “He would make out with one girl, then turn to the other.” Grant’s rep confirmed he was there but told us, “There was no kissing. This is complete rubbish.”

Congratulations to Hugh Grant. He’s just earned the Man Hero of the Day Award. An award I just made up to recognize his excellence. What an inspiration. It gives me something to look forward to for when I become famous. Which will be when I release my machine that warms up bread to any degree you want. I believe I shall call it a “toaster.” Wait. Aww, damnit.

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