Nicolas Cage only eats animals that have dignified sex

It’s no mystery Nicolas Cage is a big weirdo. He named his son Kal-El after Superman and once owned a medieval castle. Regardless, this is weird, even by Nicolas Cage standards. Cage says he’ll only eat animals that have dignified sex.

“I have a fascination with fish, birds, whales – sentient life – insects, reptiles.

“I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex.

“I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds.

“But pigs, not so much. So I don’t eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl.”

Fish don’t so much as have sex as they lay eggs and have sperm blast over them. Is that dignified? Because I blasted my sperm over a girl once and she didn’t like that. It didn’t help that it was at a McDonald’s.

Then again, some fish have sex the “human” way. Maybe he’s talking about that? But what does Nic have against pig sex? It looks pretty natural. I mean, what does he want from them. What if they wore a top hat and a monocle while having sex and oinked in Old English? Would that be dignified enough for Nic?

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