ESC

Blake Lively is single, mine

Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have gone their separate ways after three years. A rep confirmed to Us Weekly they split in mid-September. “They’re professionals. They’re still good friends and hang out on the set.”

Star has a different slant on the break-up claiming Blake, coming from a traditional Souther Baptist background, wanted to get married and have kids. Penn preferred to keep banging Blake without having to pull out every time the baby monitor went off. “The pressure on him to settle down at such a young age finally reached the point where he realized he and Blake couldn’t get on the same page, timing-wise, about starting a family.”

Now is the perfect time for me to be the rebound guy. “Yea, kids. Love ’em,” I’ll say to Blake while unzipping my pants. “I think about them all the time. I’m even thinking about them right now,” I’ll add while undressing Blake, not realizing I just made sex real awkward.

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