Joss Stone Was Almost Robbed and Murdered

Joss Stone, 24, has sold over ten million albums and worked with the likes of James Brown, The Rolling Stones and Stevie Wonder. Naturally, she was the perfect target to be robbed and murdered. Luckily, the two men involved never got a chance to execute their plan because they were apprehended at 10 a.m. yesterday near Joss’ country home.

They were done in by racial profiling. Neighbors called cops after seeing “two black men acting suspiciously in a red Fiat Punto.”

Reports say they had detailed maps and aerial photos of her property. Cops also found swords, rope and a body bag in their car.

Wait. Hold on. Swords? They planned to kidnap her with a sword? What is this, The Pirates of the Caribbean? Couldn’t she just get away by, I don’t know, running? Maybe there was a big misunderstanding and they’re just a couple of nerds looking for a place to do some Live Action Role Playing. Were they shouting, “lightning bolt! lightning bolt!” in an attempt to slay the police when they were being cuffed? Because that would have been a dead giveaway.

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don't wreck the snatch no mo'
don't wreck the snatch no mo'
12 years ago

I can think of a lot better things to do to her.  Robbing and murdering aren’t on the list.  More like licking and fondling…oh yeah, SCREWING!!!