Amy Winehouse Has Been Cremated

Amy Winehouse’s family and Kelly Osbourne showed up to her funeral today at a synagogue in London. Everyone was sad. Until she was cremated at the end as per family tradition. Then they were happy as the fumes from her ashes got everyone high.

Preliminary autopsy reports were inconclusive but “Amy’s family is expecting the outcome to be a heart attack or seizure and will be really shocked if it’s not.” Toxicology reports should arrive in two to four weeks but will probably be leaked much sooner.

As for Amy’s ex-husband Blake, he wasn’t let out of prison for the funeral as he’s serving a 32-month sentence for burglary and gun possession. Oh and he was the person who introduced Amy to heroin and crack. I’d assume there wouldn’t be a warm reception for him at the funeral anyway.