ESC

Snooki Is Engaged Now

As per guido law, if you knock up one of your kind, you are required to put a ring on it. Hence, Snooki and boyfriend/possible father to her unborn child Jionni LaValle are engaged.

Snooki predicted this as early as January. “I know he’s the one so I know the ring’s gonna come soon. Well, not soon-soon. He knows it should be big, cuz if it’s small I’m saying no. Like, ‘Get another ring!'” Incredible. Snooki is like a bronzed, pickle eating, midget Nostradamus.

As for her ex-boyfriend Emilio Masella, he’s not too happy with the news. In fact, he hope Snooki miscarries. “I hope for her sake… not to be rude or anything… but I hope she has a miscarriage.” He adds that Snooki may not even know how babies work. “When I was with her, she said she wanted twins. She would always say ‘Let’s have twins.'”

Maybe Snooki believed that if she thought long and hard enough, she could will her body to split a zygote. And who knows, it might be possible. We don’t know much about this species to say otherwise.

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