Everyone Is Popping Out Babies

A couple celebrities gave birth over the weekend. Valentine’s Day weekend. On Friday, Simon Cowell and the girl he accidentally impregnated, Lauren Silverman, welcomed a 6 lb 7 oz baby boy named Eric who’ll undoubtedly be set for life and grow up to be a major douchebag who prefers wearing flat-brimmed hats and neon sunglasses indoors. Until then, he’ll be a potato looking thing that everyone fawns over.

On Sunday, Emily Blunt and John Krasinski brought a daughter they call Hazel into the world. Now they’ll be able to spend the next 20 years praying to the celebrity gods, “Please don’t make a sex tape. Please don’t make a sex tape.”

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