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Village Hosts Goat Beauty Pageant, ‘Your Mom’ Joke Hidden Somewhere There

As a descendant of an Eastern European goat herding family, literally our last name meant “goat herder” –so thought out, I’m proud to find out those still living in Ramygala, Lithuania, still are nuts about the dumb-eyed, hooved-monkeys.

The village proudly supports the goat village symbol it has held since the Middle Ages with an annual goat beauty pageant. Oh wait, don’t be confused, the symbol has been the goat for ages, but this is only the 6th annual goat pageant. That’s right, people with better things to do decided dressing up goats and parading them around was the correct way to spend their time. To be fair, goats make goat cheese and that is a heavenly product deserving of minimally beauty pageants to maximally Aztec sacrifice.

Yes, the beauty pageant is exactly what you are thinking: fancifully adorned goats showing off their beauty, grace, and some sort of ‘talent’ that will never sway the judges away from the pretty girl.

The pageant is front ended by a parade that the translator called a “ghost parade” which regardless of its correctness I hope it will be referred to as such from here on out.

“Why a goat beauty pageant?” everyone besides Eastern Europeans ask. “Well there are many beauty contests for girls, so why not for goats?” philosophizes a man Ukrainian news identified as “goat fancier,” Marius Daniela. I would now like to take this moment to spark the idea of a goat competing as Miss Lithuania for Miss Universe 2016; I can’t be convinced ratings wouldn’t spike.

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