The Eclipse Brought Sarah Jessica Parker to Orgasm

Sarah Jessica Parker got off on yesterday’s eclipse. Literally.

First, the setting. SJP shows the world that she will be experiencing the eclipse on a boat in South Carolina. There isn’t much to the video. It’s like the bad dialogue that you skip in porn videos because who wants to listen to bad actors and actresses talk? The setting looks like a porn set, but you’re just waiting for them to destroy it with their sexual encounter.

Next, a little foreplay. SJP starts to get excited about the upcoming eclipse. Just the tip,¬†errr chip of the sun is missing, which gets SJP a little hot and bothered. She knows what’s about to come and she can’t control herself. She’s also a little bossy in this video, saying not to look too long. She’s a woman who knows what she wants. And I respect that.

Now comes the good stuff. Parker is orgasmically excited as the moon covers the sun. She belts out “it’s happening you guys!” like she’s on the verge of an out-of-body experience. She screams “Oh My God!” at the top of her lungs as the cold moon enter the hot sun’s path. Matthew Broderick can only watch from the side as he sees another event bring his wife sensations that she’s never felt before.

And then it ends. After being naturally fulfilled by the eclipse, SPJ is worn out. She can’t believe what she has just experienced and she knows that she may never experience such a thing again. She is in awe at what just happened. She finishes with, “It is so…extraordinary” in hushed tones. She likely reached for a cigarette when she stopped recording.

SJP not only experienced a potentially once in a lifetime event yesterday, she had the best orgasm of her life. Suck for you, Bueller.

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