Robert Pattinson Gave Hand Job to a Dog

I’ll never question Robert Pattinson as an actor again after this story. In an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, Pattison explained that he was asked to give a dog a hand job in his latest film Good Times. Good times indeed for that dog.

Pattinson refused to do the scene with an actual dog penis, which led to the director calling him a pussy. That’s the best part of this story. “Don’t be a pussy, jerk off this dog.” Fortunately, the filmmakers created a fake dog penis and Pattinson gladly gave it a stroke.

This had to be an elaborate prank on Pattinson, right? Who writes a scene that involves jerking off a dog and thinks, “This is very necessary to the plot and the character.” Pattinson tried to explain the rationale.

“(The character) thinks he has control over animals and stuff.”

Well, yeah. If you pleasure a dog, you probably do have control of him or her. But please explain how it’s relevant to the plot. Here’s the plot to Good Times: Pattinson is a New York criminal trying to save his little brother in one night. SO WHY IS HE SPENDING HIS TIME JERKING OFF A DOG?!?!?!

Pattinson explained that “a drug dealer bursts into the room and I was sleeping with the dog.”

Maybe that’s the whole movie. The drug dealers burst in, see Pattinson pleasuring a dog and are like, “This dude is crazy. Here’s your brother.”

This film got a six-minute standing ovation at Cannes. I’m convinced that every film gets a great ovation at Cannes because people have predetermined that Cannes = good film.

Pattinson went through all that trouble to jerk off a real dog with a fake penis and the scene ended up being cut. This proves that the scene is not vital to the movie and was an awesome prank on Pattinson for making all those Twilight films.