ESC

Anthony Weiner’s Wiener Gets Him 21 Months In Jail

Anthony Weiner got his wiener out and will now pay the price. He’s already faced public embarrassment and shame, but that’s not enough for Mr. Weiner. He’ll also face 21 months in prison for sexting a 15-year-old. For all you math majors out there, that’s 11 months for every inch of Mr. Weiner.

Along with the 21-month prison sentence, Weiner will also be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life. Ok, I realize that’s necessary, but is it really necessary? Does he really need to be listed in some database as a registered sex offender? When people hear the name “Anthony Weiner” they’re not going to say, “Let me consult with the database to see if you’re allowed to be around children.” They’re going to laugh at him and be like, “Your last name is Weiner, like the pictures you sent to that 15-year-old.”

Instead of putting him into an official database, let’s just have a guy follow him around 24/7, constantly singing this song:

Weiner read a written statement declaring himself “a very sick man for a very long time.” He cried when he read the statement because he can no longer talk to anyone under the age of 18. He cried again when his sentence was read because he’ll be around a bunch of dudes and will now have to see their wieners on a daily basis.

I’m sure he’s very sorry for his actions. He’s probably more sorry that he didn’t use Snapchat. The pictures disappear after a couple of seconds and is the only safe form of sexting in 2017.

Judge Denise Cote said, “This is a serious crime that deserves serious punishment.”

Yeah dude, you would have been better off drugging women and raping them. That crime landed Bill Cosby a bunch of town hall speaking gigs and no jail time. You sent your dick to an underage girl and wanted her to “LOL send nudez back” and you got 21-months in prison.

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