Drake Is Going To Beat The Ass Of Anyone Committing Sexual Assault

Dear sexual assault victims. Have no fear. Drake is here.

During his concert at Sydney’s Marquee, a man allegedly groped female audience members. Drake, in the middle of his performance, somehow noticed this action and paused his concert to threaten the dude. He said he was going to come down there and “f**k his ass up” if he didn’t stop touching girls.

First off, let’s be honest. Drake isn’t fucking anybody up. He would have had his five bodyguards handle the dude and that would have been that. Drake is way too smart to get into a fight with some random at a concert. Drake is way too smart to get into a fight with anyone, honestly.

And that’s the beauty of this move by Drake. He knows he’s not about to fight the dude, but by stopping his concert and threatening to fight the dude over the alleged groping, he’s further endearing himself to all the females in the audience. Drake doesn’t need help to get women to sleep with him. He’s Drake, the most sensitive rapper in the game. But damn if he doesn’t know how to make s**t even easier for himself.

Where the hell has Drake been during all of these sexual harassment cases? Harvey Weinstein would have stopped at one rape and not sixty if Drake had just said, “If you don’t stop raping, I’m gonna f**k your ass up.”

I’d say Drake has bigger problems than dealing with some guy in the audience, like trying to fight The Weeknd over Bella Hadid, but we all know Drake doesn’t have real problems. His biggest worry in life is how he’s going to spend all the money he’s making or which celebrity he’s going to crush on next.

I wish I could have Drake problems.