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Pussy Perfume is Coming So You Too Can Smell Like an Unwashed Vagina

It’s a question that has vexed women since the beginning of time: “How can I make my whole body smell like a vagina?” If the answer you’re looking for is an overpriced designer perfume with an already-outdated knit pink cap on it, they boy have I got good news for you.

According to TMZ, a New York woman named Fran Moss filed patent and trademark applications for “Pussy” perfume and fragrances. And she accompanied the filing with a design for a perfume bottle with one of those pussy hats that were stylish for about 15 seconds on the top.

According to the docs, Fran’s toying with product names like pussy juice, pussy power, pussy now, and pussy positive. She also wants her trademark to include the “pussy power color” pink, and the pussyhat ears.

TMZ also stated that the filing covers “fragrance-emitting wicks, sachets, pet sprays, body sprays and perfumes”. Yikes. At best this is a shallow ploy to cash in on upper-class trendy feminism, at worst this lady is going to flood the market with products that smell like an actual vagina.

Pussy would actually be a good name for one of those pheromone perfumes that are supposed to get you laid, but I’m guessing this is just a shallow ploy to sell sandalwood and lavender scented candles to the sort of person who wants to be seen as a serious feminist but also thinks we should cut funding for WIC. Which is kind of fitting since the Women’s March itself quickly converted from a grassroots moment of civil protest to a 501(c)(4) dark money super PAC.

Either way, I’d like to announce that I’ll be launching my own complementary line of scents for men called “Vinegary Balls”. The cologne comes in a bottle with truck nuts hanging off of it. I’m thinking it’ll be sandalwood scented.

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Someones watched too much house of lies and decided to take it to market: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdDFpM78zM0

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