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Divorcé Lane Kiffin Thinks Having a Hot Wife Makes You a Good Coach

Let me tell you about Lane Kiffin. He was the head coach of the Oakland Raiders for a single season in which the team only won four games, and one of them against the Cleveland Browns so it’s more like three wins. Three games into the next season he was fired by late Raiders’ owner Al Davis for “conduct detrimental to the Raiders.” I have no idea what level of debauchery you have to be up to to embarrass a guy who hung a sign called “The Raider Rules” in the Raider’s locker room that read “1. Cheating is encouraged 2. See Rule 1”. If Bill Belichick and Tom Brady hadn’t come along, the Raiders would still be known as the biggest cheaters in the NFL, so I can’t imagine what qualifies as conduct unbecoming of a Raider.

Kiffin is now the head coach of the Florida Atlantic University Owls, a team I have never heard of, and he took his team to an impressive 50-3 victory over the Akron Zips in the storied Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl. Jesus, I’ve never even heard of the sponsor of that bowl game, much less the game itself. FAU is also located in Boca Raton, so I assume the Akron Zips are like the Washington Generals of NCAA football.

What I’m saying is Lane Kiffin is something of an authority on what it takes to be a good coach. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone better than Lane Kiffin if you want to know about how to find a good football coach, which is why all eyes were on him when he announced Charlie Weis, Jr., son of former New England Patriots offensive coordinator Charlie Weis, as his new offensive coordinator, and CBS Sports reported he had this to say about how he picks his assistant coaches.

“He had all A’s in every single thing he’s ever done,” Kiffin said. “Normally those kids can’t socialize. That’s not him at all.

“He’s got a beautiful wife. How’d Charlie get her? I look at assistant coaches’ wives. It tells me if they are good recruiters or not.”

Oh, that’s what Al Davis meant by “conduct detrimental to the Raiders”. I suppose Kiffin has earned the right to say some non-PC things, though, he’s dominated the Conference USA, which means he’s probably almost as good as a coach with a losing record for an actual football team. Lane Kiffin is divorced, so maybe he’s right about your wife being a reflection of your ability as a coach.

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