We Love Retainer Girl, The Super Hero With the Power to Break Metal When She’s Thirsty for Michael B. Jordan

If you haven’t seen Black Panther yet, you’ve missed at least one thing the entire internet has been talking about since the movie opened: Michael B. Jordan with his shirt off. Jordan is the second actor who played The Human Torch in a failed Fantastic Four movie to make the jump from Fox to Marvel and find success. Jordan’s Killmonger was so successful that one teenage cinema fan bit down so hard at the sight of him that she broke through her retainer, according to an anonymous orthodontist on Tumblr.

one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel

That’s incredible, but I was also convinced it didn’t happen. Then the story took off on social media and this happened.

The girl in question identified herself, which is hilarious, and it just gets funnier.

She has a sense of humor about the whole thing, really.

Oh, and despite the broken retainer, the story has a happy ending for young Sophia (who it turns out is 18 and not 17)

See, this is what the internet is all about. Bringing cute teenaged girls together with handsome older men. Wait, that’s what Dateline is all about, I wonder what her dad would say about this.

Well, hell, she’s an adult, everyone seems to be having a laugh about this, I’m marking this story down as unobjectionably good. This is the best thing that’s happened today even after that judge confiscated Martin Shkreli’s Wu-Tang Clan album.

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