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Martin Shkreli’s Perp Walk May Lead Us to the Wu Tang and Lil Wayne Promised Land

Ya’ll remember Martin Shkreli? He’s the asshole who wanted to kill babies and HIV patients by raising their medicine from $13.50 to $750. He’s also the asshole who purchased Wu Tang’s “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin” and Lil Wayne’s “Tha Carter IV” but refused to release them to the public.

Before we all turned against everyone in Hollywood for their sexual assault past, we all agreed that Martin Shkreli was the biggest asshole on the planet.

Martin Shkreli may lose all his shit, including Wu Tang and Lil Wayne albums, after he was convicted of lying to investors. Not only will he lose $7 million in cash and assets, but he could face 20 years in prison.

$7 million and 20 years doesn’t quite add up to pricing people out of a drug that could help save their life, but we’ll get what we can take.

Of course, I’m not buying any of this until “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin” or “Tha Carter IV” hit Apple Music for my listening pleasure. We’ve been promised these albums so many times, for so many years, that somehow Shkreli or a record label or whoever runs Spotify will screw this up for us.

This isn’t exactly justice for dude raising drug prices and withholding anticipated rap albums. He’s potentially going to jail for lying to investors. He got people to give him a bunch of money on the promise that he’d make them rich. When he failed to make them rich, they said he lied to them.

This is like if you’re a kid and you poison the punch at prom and steal the DJs copy of “Bad and Boujee”. But you don’t get into trouble for that. You get into trouble for telling your parents you were going to the arcade because prom is stupid.

I just hope someone steals this dude’s toothbrush in prison and charges him 200 times the amount to get it back. Toothbrushes are important to prison survival based on my viewing of Prison Break.

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