The Mystery Over Who Bit Beyoncé Deepens

One of the bombs Tiffany Haddish dropped in her recent GQ interview was that someone bit Beyoncé on the face at a Hollywood party.

Like this balls-to-the-wall insane story she can no longer stop herself from telling about Beyoncé. Last December, Haddish met Beyoncé Knowles-Carter at a party. Beyoncé walked up and said, “I’m Beyoncé”—the understatement of the century—and the two women had a brief, pleasant exchange. But that’s not the story.

“There was this actress there,” continues Haddish, keeping her voice low, “that’s just, like, doing the mostest.” One of the most things she did? “She bit Beyoncé in the face.”

Haddish declines to name the actress.

(“I absolutely cannot comment on any of this, as I have no knowledge,” said Beyoncé’s representative, Yvette Noel-Schure, when GQ sought confirmation from the singer.)

I assumed that Haddish had hallucinated this entire interaction because in the same interview she was raving about the health benefits of drinking turpentine to kill the worms that live inside you. You know, because she’s crazy from drinking turpentine, or at least crazy enough to think drinking turpentine is a good idea. But there might be some truth to this “someone bit the biggest pop musician in the world on the face” story after all.

Sanaa Lathan and Sara Foster both had to go on social media and tell people they didn’t bite Beyoncé on the face at a party, which seems like a perfectly normal thing to do. I can also confirm I didn’t bite Beyoncé on the face. The face is honestly low on the list of places I’d bite Beyoncé if given the chance, honestly.

What a time to be alive.

Apparently someone did bite Beyoncé on the face, though, and Chrissy Teigen knows who. Well, that or Chrissy Teigen thinks this wole thing is hilarious and is trolling Twitter about it. I’d say it’s about 50-50 at this point.

We may never know who bit Beyoncé’s face. But maybe if you drink enough turpentine the answer will come to you when all the worms and thetans or whatever die.

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