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‘Once Upon a Deadpool’ Coming to Theaters This December

With Halloween past, the Christmas season is in full swing, and that can only mean a December visit from that jolly man in the red suit. Of course I mean Deadpool. Yes, Fox is squeezing the last few cents out of the X-Men franchise before Marvel buys it in January with the PG-13 re-release of Deadpool 2 called Once Upon A Deadpool.

Yes, according to Deadline, the film’s PG-13 cut will run from December 12 through December 24 as a special treat to all the good little boys and girls with lame-ass parents who won’t let them watch R-rated movies. I saw Robocop when I was 8 and I turned out fine, you pussies.

And because it’s the holiday season, a portion of ticket sales will go to charity.

There’s a major charity component to the limited-engagement release, too, as Reynolds explained to Deadline that for every ticket sold $1 will go to the audaciously named F-ck Cancer campaign, which will be temporarily renamed “Fudge Cancer” for the purpose of tie-in fundraising effort.

There’s also a new framing device for the film where Deadpool kidnaps Fred Savage and tells him the story of Deadpool 2 a la The Princess Bride. He’s even got that Bears shirt on.

Man, that is a great gag, but one that only works if Fred Savage is on board. Good thing he isn’t busy with all those hit shows he’s been on since The Wonder Years.

Now, Fox and Disney are forbidden from coordinating with each other until their merger is official, it’s hard to see this as anything but a pitch to Disney to prove Deadpool can work as a PG-13 franchise after the merger, because you know Disney is going to use their “family friendly” image to force it into a PG-13 rating because there’s potentially a larger audience if they do.

Can Deadpool work at PG-13? Sure. It just won’t be as good. It might make more money, though, because people will be more willing to take their kids to see it. And that’s what the future of cinema is now: watered down homogeneous films engineered to be blockbusters.

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