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Melania Trump Has Been Assimilated

Well, it’s happened. All of Trump’s women are now officially blonde (fake blonde, but we all knew that). Melania Trump just debuted her new, blonde hairstyle. And it definitely looks like Melania’s been dipping into Donald’s personal hair dye.

For years, Melania has been the hold-out, hanging on to her caramel brown locks. Her hair was the only part of herself that gave her a sense of identity. It was a way to stand apart from Trump’s other wives and mistresses. She clung to that last part of herself, that last remaining shred of her being.

But no more. After resisting for years, Melania has finally been completely assimilated into Trump’s Cult of Women. She may have retained some part of her original self at one point, but now, there is no longer any hint of humanity; there is only Trump.

On the other hand, maybe this is a clever survival tactic on Melania’s part. Trump has a thing for blondes, and his staff is full of blondes. Melania can now blend in with the rest and Donald will have a hard time finding her. Trump seems like the kind of guy who really can’t tell one blonde apart from another anyway. Once she camouflages herself, Trump won’t be able to tell which one is her, and will end up boning one of the other blondes with his mushroom dick. It means Melania gets one more night off from having to deal with her great, hulking orangutan of a husband.

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