Is Donald And Melania Trump’s Sham Marriage On the Rocks?

Being the President of the United States is hard, stressful work. You can see the way the job visibly ages the occupant of the oval office. You’ve got to check Twitter, watch Fox News, send tweets from the bathroom at 2 a.m., buy fast food for college kids, pass some tariffs and sanctions to cripple our economy, get on Twitter to take half an hour between threaded tweets… it’s a lot of work.

I’m assuming that’s what other presidents did, at any rate, I can’t even really remember what that was like, it’s been so long. Were there even other presidents? I seem to remember a guy who did a movie with a monkey and then someone with severe brain damage in a cowboy hat, but it all seems so long ago.

SO it makes sense that with all that stress it would start to take a toll on your marriage, especially if it’s a sham marriage where you were out banging porn stars while your wife was still breastfeeding. People reports that the President and the First Lady were seen fighting at Mar-a-Lago recently.

“Melania was upset and they had words with each other over something,” the source tells PEOPLE. The couple was eating together in the club’s dining area on March 30.

It remains unclear what the issue was, according to this source.

“Donald, you’re doing to the entire country what I let you do to me once a month to earn my allowance; fucking them sidewise and leaving them disappointed.”

Mrs. Trump’s spokeswoman, Stephanie Grisham, disputed the witness’ account as “completely false” but did not elaborate — instead telling PEOPLE, “I’d encourage the anonymous source to say such things on the record.”

I don’t know, I’m prone to believe People’s anonymous source. Given everything I know about them, which is literally nothing, weighed against everything I know about the Trumps, it seems the anonymous person, who could be anyone, literally anyone, is more credible.