ESC

How Will Society Cope With Knowing Lori Loughlin Is Allowed to Just Roam the Streets?

Full House

I don’t know about you, but I feel decidedly less safe than I did last night. One of history’s greatest monsters is free, walking the streets, going into the stores where you buy food for your children. That’s right, Lori Loughlin is out of prison.

Make sure to lock your doors before bed tonight, things are going to get dangerous.

You know who is going to be really mad about this? Will Smith’s mother-in-law. When Loughlin’s daughter Olivia Jade went on Red Table Talk, Adrienne Banfield-Norris decided that what happened was unforgivable and asked her “Do you understand why different people in the community would be upset? Do you have any understanding of why I would be upset at your being here and what you all did and the harm that it caused?”

The maximum number of people who were harmed by Loughlin and her husband using their money to get their daughter into USC is one, and that person is a waitlisted dumbass who just had to go to Berkeley. That’s the maximum extent of the damage that was caused.

Loughlin still has two years of probation and 100 hours of community service to do, but she should be back on basic cable in terrible movies your mom likes for some reason any day now. After all, Felicity Huffman got a pilot on ABC and she straight-up cheated on the SATs, all Lori Loughlin did was put the wrong name on her bribe and wink with the wrong eye when she gave it to the university.

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