Paris Hilton

Jerry Oppenheimer, a biographer who has spent more than a year studying Paris Hilton (I feel your pain buddy), says Paris Hilton has made herself the IT girl this decade and pities her.

“Her mother, Kathy, put her in make-up and allowed her (into) nightclubs from a very young age,” Oppenheimer, a biographer of Martha Stewart and Rock Hudson, said in a telephone interview.

He also accuses Paris’ grandmother of being a “stage mother from hell” who pushed her daughter into an acting and modeling career that never materialized. Then when Paris became famous, her mother tried cashing in as evidenced by her failed show, I Want to be a Hilton. In fact, Paris Hilton isn’t even a real heiress.

“It is a bizarre family,” said Oppenheimer. “Behind the scenes her parents were not opposed to (the sex video) because that totally launched her.”

Oppenheimer said it was hard to tell if Hilton was real or the invention of a clever marketing team that was aware her “heiress tag” is untrue. She stands to inherit little from the Hilton empire and needs to work for a living.

So Paris Hilton’s sluttiness comes as a manifestation of an innate desire to please her parents? Well I’ll be damned. Here I thought Paris Hilton was just another vapid cock hungry whore. It turns out she’s actually a vapid cock hungry whore with a purpose and very little inheritance money.

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