Britney Spears collapsed

Britney Spears blacked out and collapsed at Pure Nightclub after drinking pineapple rum cocktails with champagne. She was spotted chatting up a male dancer on a cabana bed when she stood up, fainted and fell to the floor. Britney then had to be dragged out by security. Her people claim she was just fatigued after hosting two countdowns and left under her own power.

The source said the group pulled her onto the bed and called security to “get her out as quickly as possible.” One woman in Spears’ entourage yelled, “Make sure nobody gets any photos. No photos anywhere.”

I always say passing out is always a good start to the New Year, but Britney’s rep thinks people are idiots who’ll believe she fainted from being tired. You’d have an easier time convincing me Charles Manson was a people person. He could have at least made up something plausible like her two kids snuck in and clubbed her over the head with a frying pan in a fit of rage, but no, he’s not that clever.