Britney Spears

Britney Spears is free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, free at last. Her manager Larry Rudolph says,

“Britney Spears has been released by the Promises Malibu Treatment Center after successfully completing their program. We ask that the media respects her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time.”

Both Kevin and Britney will share 50/50 custody of their children. Eventually, Britney will regain primary custody and allow Kevin visitation rights.

First order of business for Britney: Figure out which garbage can K-Fed stuffed the kids into. Second: Thank the raccoons for taking care of Sean and Jayden. Third: Proceed to alcohol and dick (Interchangeable).