Paris Hilton

Randy Spelling promoted his television show the only way he knew how, by name dropping Paris Hilton and her libido. Randy has revealed he was the one that opened Pandora’s Box and popped Paris Hilton’s cherry.

“We were together for like two months,” Spelling told us. “We went to Palm Springs once for the weekend, and we couldn’t check into the hotel under her name because her grandma was looking for her. She was like 15; I was 17. And what do you know, I hear this knock-knock-knock on the door, and I look out and her grandma’s there. And then I look out the window and I see Paris in a full-on dress with a suitcase running down the golf course. We broke up like a week later.”

This makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is when Paris found the time to get breast implants because those didn’t look like this before. At first it looked like she was wearing a wonder bra, but after weeks of the same pictures, it looks like Paris finally turned in her IBTC card.

Fun fact: A priest once told me girls with C-cups and below don’t make it into Heaven. I believe him because he wore one of those priesty uniforms and talked to God who he said lived in his cavities. Then again, why would he want me to slap God with my tongue?

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