Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell hosted the Matrix Awards for New York’s most accomplished woman in media. Among the 2,000 attendees were 17 high school girls who won scholarships to pursue careers in media. Also in attendance were Cindy Adams, Meredith Vieira, Joan Didion, Susan Lyne, Arianna Huffington and Lisa Caputo. As always, Rosie was the epitome of class dropping the f-bomb in her speech. She concluded a rant about Donald Trump by grabbing her crotch and yelling, “Eat me!”

O’Donnell also said she was sad when Trump called her “disgusting” and “fat” because, “it was always my dream to give an old, bald billionaire a boner.”

“I was offended by how vulgar and common O’Donnell was,” said Robert Zimmerman, a Democrat active in progressive causes. “It was especially inappropriate with young people present.”

Brandon Holley, editor-in-chief of Jane magazine, said, “I wasn’t personally offended, but I thought it was fun to watch other people be offended.”

“I cringed and dove under the table when she said, ‘Eat me,’ ” said one woman attendee who declined to be identified.

O’Donnell’s publicist, Cindi Berger, told us: “When you ask for Rosie, you know what you’re getting. She’s not a shrinking violet. She’s a stand-up comedienne. She says things that are provocative.”

Rosie O’Donnell and boner should never be used in the same sentence. To do so would be an affront to penises everywhere. My penis would rather jump out of a window than be affiliated in any way with Rosie O’Donnell. In fact, it’s telling me right now I better stop typing “penis” and “Rosie O’Donnell” in the same line or he’ll detach himself and join the circus.