Jennifer Garner

Listen Jennifer Garner, I don’t know why you’re paddling on a surfboard instead of in a canoe or in some other boat-like structure, but I do know what you’re wearing isn’t acceptable beach attire. Sure, you probably have leftover pregnancy fat, but that’s no excuse not to wear a bikini top. When I see pictures labeled “Jennifer Garner at the beach,” I damn well better click on it and see T&A. Well, in your case, I guess I have to settle for a little bit of T and some A. Anyway, wear a full bikini dammit and take those sunglasses off. I don’t care that you’re going to get “retinal damage.” Get out of here with your big, fancy Hollywood words. Only blind people are allowed to wear them out in the water.

Signed,
A guy who cares. Kind of. Not really.

More after the jump.

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