Paris Hilton

Yesterday, reports came out that Paris Hilton’s grandpa, Barron Hilton, was cutting her out of an inheritance. They lied. TMZ notes that Paris Hilton spent some time with Barron in his Beverly Hills estate after she was released from jail and is expected to inherit close to $30 million. God, that Barron is a senile jerk. On the flip side, Paris can’t inherit anything if no one can find her body. I hear she’s planning on moving into a drainage pipe on the outskirts of town.