Britney Spears

People magazine and KNBC, on behalf of Access Hollywood, have requested Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s divorce documents be unsealed. Superior Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon said he would consider it because both parties are “appropriate participants”. A September 14th court date has been set for the Spears-Federline attorneys to argue why the documents should remain sealed.

After the hearing, Federline attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan said the documents contain information about the schedules of the couple’s children and other details that could put them in jeopardy. “It would be best for the children that they not be exposed,” Kaplan said.

The real danger isn’t in revealing the schedules of these two, it’s in letting Britney continue to parent. Her kids would be safer hanging over a pit of hungry lions. At least with the lions, they know what’s coming. With Britney, they could be mistaken for hams and placed in the microwave or worse; survive to be raised by Britney for a full 18 years.

I put up this picture of Britney Spears on the cover of the upcoming issue of Allure to highlight the power of angles, hair, makeup, Photoshop and laughter.