Pete Doherty

After performing at the V Festival with his band, Babyshambles, Pete Doherty was arrested Monday morning at 2:30 a.m. in east London for — you’ll never believe this, it’s too shocking — suspicion of drugs possession. Pete and two others were stopped in a car in Tower Hamlets by police and remain in custody. Early this month, the court had ordered Pete to prove he was serious about rehabbing or he would face jail time.

Pete Doherty will not stop using drugs. There. See? With that statement alone, I have shown I’m smarter than London judges. If you ever wanted to commit a crime, go to London. Serial rapist? Prove you’ll stop raping and everything will be gravy. Oh, you did it again? It’s okay, it sounds like you’re really trying. Here, hang this inspirational poster up on your wall and give it another shot. Now, take this balloon animal and get outta here you little rascal. That’s what I imagine goes on in court.

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