Angelina Jolie

Despite being the most desirable woman on Earth, until she turned into a Nicole Richie look-a-like, Angelina Jolie is very insecure. Life & Style claims the once voluptuous actress goes through Brad Pitt’s email and his pockets to make sure he isn’t cheating.

When confronted, Angelina apparently refused to talk about it like an adult. “She turns everything on its head and tries to make Brad the villain,” said the Life & Style insider. “She accuses him of still being hung up on Jennifer Aniston and of not wanting Angie to see the e-mails he’s sending to his ex-wife.” Brad was so frustrated after one argument, the source said, he told his sister Julie that he was done with Angie.

But, instead of going through with his threat of leaving, he asked Angelina for an open relationship. It’s almost like what I would have done. The only difference being, I’d make her eat cake everyday so her body goes back to the way it was. Then, when I go out and guys ask me how she’s doing, I’ll just tell them she’s stuffing her fat face like a fat pig. That way nobody will want her. Meanwhile, I’ll be banging some other girl waiting for Angie to clean the chocolate crumbs off her face. I have this all figured out. The hard part is sewing Brad Pitt’s face onto mine.