Britney Spears

OK! Magazine reveals friends of Britney are worried about her dangerous obsession with starve-and-binge eating.

“Britney told me, ‘I’ll starve myself because I’m fat,'” one friend of the singer reveals to OK!. “She kept telling me she thought I was fat and disgusting.”

I don’t mean to be insensitive, but it’s pretty clear this isn’t working. Are they sure the quote didn’t get lost in translation? Maybe Britney said she wanted a 1 pound Angus burger stuffed in her gaping maw and that somehow turned into starving herself. I can see how reporters at OK! could mess that up because one time I was telling this girl to please stop kicking me in the nuts, but she didn’t. I guess it was my fault she couldn’t understand me through the sobbing.