Britney Spears

Britney Spears’ lawyer, Laura Wasser, will file papers formally withdrawing as the chubby one’s attorney.

The word we hear is that Britney was a problem client because she just didn’t listen to and follow the advice Wasser gave so Spears could maintain custody and end the war.

Meanwhile, a secret witness will testify today in Britney’s custody case. It is believed he or she will talk about Britney’s drug use in front of her children. The witness is not a dealer, but is someone who worked for her in the past. K-Fed’s attorney claims they aren’t famous, although, you may recognize them as they walk to the courtroom.

Whatever the case may be, Britney is losing her kids today. There’s no way the judge will decide otherwise. You could throw your baby in the dumpster on trash day and they’d still be better off than if they were with Britney. In fact, I think that’s exactly what the judge is going to say. He’ll even demonstrate it with Cabbage Patch Dolls. Britney’s doll will be stewing in its own filth rolling around on used razor blades. The other will be raised by a flock of seagulls and go on to invent cheap, reusable energy.