Heidi Montag

The only thing more ridiculous than Heidi Montag’s plastic tits and reconstructed nose is her dumb poses. Don’t look too convincing blondie. We wouldn’t want to fool anyone into thinking you’re more than just Spencer Pratt’s soulless vessel devoid of any humanity or brain cells. People might start putting you in movies or something. Then where will we be? Probably in the fetal position crying about how God has left us.

I sincerely hope at one of these fake candid photo shoots she falls and cracks her head on some rocks and then while she’s temporarily paralyzed, a seagull comes and pecks one of her eyes out and then, just for good measure, someone kicks sand into her vagina.

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