According to the announcer guy, the world has been waiting for Britney Spears’ new album, Blackout. The commercial makes it feel like I’m looking through a kaleidescope and at the center of this tube of wonder is Britney Spears swinging around a pole. A more accurate commercial would be one of Britney scarfing down hot wings while her dancers throw KFC drumsticks at her.

Britney’s parenting coach wants out. Sources say the coach made his way to Britney’s place the other day, but no one was home. He phoned the commissioner and asked that the sessions be ended because Britney doesn’t want his advice. It’s pretty obvious Britney doesn’t want the kids. Maybe they can play ding-dong-ditch and leave the babies on someone’s doorstep. What? It worked for your mom.

No one likes Britney’s album. Blackout is at no. 76 on Amazon’s charts and with a release date of Oct. 30, things aren’t looking good. Britney doesn’t care. As long as she gets her cupcakes, she’s happy. No… cupcakes? Sniffle. Britney sad.