Paris Hilton

America has to deal with that moron Paris and now Russia gets to feels our pain. The hotel heiress was watching Russian dwarves in blue body paint promoting Haribo’s Smurf jelly sweets (?) when she decided it would be a good idea to talk down to them in a baby voice letting them know she always wanted real live smurfs and was willing to adopt them.

“We heard her saying: ‘Oh my, real live smurfs. I always wanted one when I was a kid’ before turning to her pal and asking: ‘Can I take them home?’ Then she added: ‘I didn’t realise that this is where they came from.’

“She then started talking about adding them to her collection and bent down to talk to them in a babyish voice. I really don’t think she was trying to cause offence. But the actors were really narked off about it all.” The source added: “One of them just flipped and starting shouting at Paris.

“He obviously spoke fluent English and told her in no uncertain terms that he was a grown man and that she was being very patronising. It was a bit chilly and they were frazzled after a long day so not prepared to put up with the kooky American; it was quite a scene.”

It goes on to say Paris wants blue-painted dwarves as waiters for her birthday party next year. She’ll probably get them too and I’m optimistic it’ll be the same ones she met in Russia. Her surprise present will be them peeing into her canned champagne and puncturing holes into her condoms (aka the gift that keeps on giving). Happy birthday, asshat.