Britney’s obituary is ready, she smells, is mental

The Associated Press (AP) is convinced there’s a good chance Britney Spears may die soon which is why they’ve already written her obituary. AP Entertainment Editor, Jesse Washington, confirms and says, “We would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody and hope that we would never have to use it until 50 years from now, but if something were to happen, we would have to be prepared.”

Inside sources say there are a few versions of the obituary. One makes reference to Britney choking to death on a chicken bone. Another has Britney dying from eating lead tainted marbles as a result of hoovering the carpet with her mouth after she dropped a packet of M&M’s. Yet another has her accidentally drowning in the bathtub. The last one has her dying when she got really angry, held her breath like a little kid, but soon forgot how to breathe and suffocated herself. All very plausible scenarios.

Meanwhile, People reports on a strange incident during the Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM show where Britney refuses to talk to Sam Lufti because she’s taking a shower. Although that doesn’t sound too strange, it really was.

“Get out, I’m naked, get out!” Spears is heard telling pal Sam Lutfi as he carries the phone toward her during an interview from her house with KIIS-FM’s Ryan Seacrest. When Lutfi asks why she’s taking a shower, Spears replies: “I stink, ’cause I’m a human being. Shut the door, I’m nasty!”

Sam added that Britney buying a pregnancy test was only to mess with the press. Oh and some random guy no one’s ever heard of was in Britney’s house walking around.

Now, if you’re wondering why Britney may be acting this way, TMZ suggests it may be multiple personality disorder.

We’re told the whole British accent thing — well, it’s more than an accent. Britney has multiple personalities, including, as people in her life call it, “the British girl.” We’re told when Spears loses the British personality, she has absolutely no idea what she did during the time she assumed that personality.

Sources say Brit has a number of other identities, where she becomes “the weepy girl, the diva, the incoherent girl,” and on and on.

Sources say Britney had become the British girl the day she didn’t show for her deposition and has no recollection of it.

Err. Really? I thought this was all just one persona. The retarded girl. And I didn’t even think it was persona. I thought it was because someone dropped her on her head when she was a baby. Go figure.