Rosie O’Donnell likes self-improvement

Rosie O’Donnell and I don’t often see eye-to-eye on healthy living. We’re polar opposites when it comes to how one lives a life without coronary diseases or adult onset diabetes. For example, I enjoy a nice quiet candlelit dinner when I’m out on a date. Rosie enjoys six buckets of KFC topped off with items 1-10 on the drive-thru menu. I stay in shape by going to the gym or playing sports. Rosie stays in shape by chasing the chipmunk who stole her toffee coated peanuts. Today, however, Rosie sets out on the fast track to a healthier lifestyle with the announcement that she’s quitting alcohol. Beer to be precise. Her reason?

cause i was drinking too much
cause i didnt want to anymore
cause it is hard to lose weight wen drinking
cause i can never have only one

I can never have only one either. But, that’s not because I’m an alcoholic, it’s because I’m always striving to be better. Last time I had six beers in under an hour. Next time I’ll go for eight. With that kind of attitude, how can I lose?