William Shatner

In William Shatner’s upcoming biography, he details his sexual exploits with his rabid fans who only slept with him because of his character on Star Trek. Really. They pretended they were sleeping with a fictional character. Ha, loser.

The “Star Trek” legend tells Page Six his partners would dramatically gasp, “So, this is what it’s like to be in bed with Captain Kirk!” Shatner – whose autobiography, “Up Till Now,” hits stores today – laughed, “You can’t imagine how much of a downer that is in every sense of the word.”

Whatever. Making Star Trek nerds horny is only a simple matter of repeating Pi to the 50th place. It’s easy. And if you make it to the 100th place, I hear they orgasm.

Shatner also describes his first gay experience.

“I was wandering around Times Square and this guy says, ‘I’m going to Radio City Music Hall, would you like to come?’ And I said, ‘Oh, yes’ – [I thought] wow, New York is everything I heard it was going to be! We’re in the audience, I’m a young hot-blooded Canadian and out come the dancing girls, a plethora of women – and I feel his hand brush my knee. I thought, well, it’s an accident, then I felt it again. What the [bleep]? I got up and ran out.”

So there you have it. Some things happened in Captain Kirk’s life. They were moderately amusing. Amazing. Now get back to building your model Starship Enterprise, Poindexter.