Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton was heading to a photo shoot when she decided she’d buy a puppy because it would make the pictures cuter. So she went to the Puppy Store on Melrose in LA and demanded a Yorkie. Of course, the whole of LA knows her history with animals so they said “no.” That’s when Paris stomped around like a spoiled brat.

Hilton waltzed in and tried to buy a Yorkie but was rebuffed by an employee who said it was clearly “an impulse buy.” Hilton, who has a menagerie of neglected animals, went “ballistic,” we’re told. “She started screaming, ‘I love my puppies! I want my baby!'” – but to no avail. The store had no comment.

They should have given it to her, but instead of a real dog, they should have handed her a bunch of firecrackers in the shape of a dog with a little sweater over it. That way when she walked out the door the whole thing would blow up in her hands and she’ll have all this black soot over her face and look bewildered. I mean, that’s what would happen if she was in a cartoon. In real life, she would probably suffer third degree burns and doctors would need to graft skin from her ass to her face to make her look relatively normal. People would then call her ass-face and she couldn’t deny it. So… even better.