Angelina Jolie

The big news over the weekend was Angelina Jolie finally gave birth to her twins. The genetically gifted actress popped out one boy, Knox Leon, and one girl, Vivienne Marcheline. They were delivered via c-section, no doubt keeping her perfect vagina intact. There were no complications and according to Dr. Michel Sussmann, the babies are doing fine.

The doctor told the Associated Press that the Cesarean was moved forward “for medical reasons” so that the babies could be born “in the best conditions.” He also said Jolie is expected to stay in the hospital for a few days.

I think a funny thing to do would be to switch Angelina’s babies with sacks of flour and have the nurse bring them to her, but have them covered up so you can’t really tell they’re not babies. Then when she walks in, pretend to trip and drop them on the floor. Then have the nurse yell, “Fuck! Stupid babies,” and kick the sacks of flour in anger.