Matthew, Camila and Levi

OK! Magazine has managed to finally corner the entire celebrity baby market. Their latest conquest is Matthew McConaughey’s son, Levi Alves McConaughey.

“We found a great rhythm,” Matthew tells OK! about the delivery of baby Levi. “Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.”

“I have it all chronicled,” he explained. “Becoming a dad is something I’ve dreamed of doing since I was 10. Becoming a father felt very, very natural. We were jamming! She was sweating. No painkiller, let’s go. She just clicked into that gear that only a woman has at a time like this. We’d been up for 40-something hours, and we went from dead tired to a really steadfast, ‘Let’s handle this… let’s stay in the rhythm. Don’t let the contraction be more than you.'”

Ten mystery points to anyone who can figure out what the hell Matthew is talking about. Going tribal? Dancing? Brazilian music? What the the hell was this? A rave? That must have been distracting for the doctors. Having Matthew shove glow sticks in their mouths while they tried to get the baby out.