Britney Spears wears shorts

Britney Spears has a 31-year-old brother by the name of Bryan who was married in a private ceremony at New Orleans landmark Latrobe’s on Royal on New Year’s Eve. All the Spears were in attendance along with the bride, Graciella Sanchez’s, family.

“The family was totally excited,” a friend of the family tells PEOPLE. “Graciella’s wonderful. Everybody was happy about it.”

Everyone was happy. Everything was normal. Why is this important? I’ve never even heard about this guy until a week ago. I didn’t even know Britney had a brother. Which is the way it should be. The only time I want to hear about a non-famous person is if they do something insanely stupid. Like strap a bunch of fireworks to their back in an effort to be the first man to go to space without an aircraft. Or keep their wife and kids chained in the basement for 20 years. At least tell me something interesting that happened. Did Britney slam her face into the wedding cake, only lifting it up long enough for oxygen and to announce, “This is the happiest day of my life!,” before slamming it back in? Because I bet she did. Tell me about that.

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